Meet and Greet
I’ve been reading my latest edition of REV magazine, a trade publication for ministers, and would like you to weigh in on something. One of the columns, entitled "view from the pew" allows members of the lay community (non-professional ministry members) to express their opinions on varying subjects.
The title of this edition was "Let’s Not Stand and Greet Our Neighbor." In this article the writer has nothing positive to say about the time in an assembly whereinwhich participants are asked to stand and greet someone next to them. He refers to it as "the most dreaded time of any church service." He writes: "If it were up to me and every other parishoner I’ve talked to about this, we’d put a moratorium on "meet and greet" moments at church." He then proceeds to list everything he does not like about "meet and greet" and compares experiences in other venues of life (restaurants, airplanes) and how no other venue requires this.
Thoughts? My first impression was to think seriously about what he was saying. I want to be sensitive to elements of our corporate gathering that are not edifying and encouraging.
I’ve heard people complain about "meet and greet" before but their complaints have centered on their opinion that it was not an act of worship and thus should be excluded from the bookends of prayer (opening and closing). Because we all know that acceptable worship that doesn’t bring down fire from heaven happens between the opening and closing prayer.
I’ve been trying to look at this issue objectively and take into consideration what he has to say. I don’t want to taint the jury but the more I read the article the more it bothered me. Especially the part "if it were up to me and every other parishoner I’ve talked to about this." I know how we are. We usually talk to the people who think like us. Besides it would be easy to find the ANTI MEET AND GREETERS because they are the ones during the meet and greet that are not meeting and greeting.
He says the meet and greet takes away dignity and sets people up to be uncomfortable. He says it is not a meaningful time of fellowship just a superficial exercise of hand shaking. It does not build community and does not promote love. Wow. Here I thought we were just trying to teach people the value of saying hello to someone else.
What of it? What have I missed? Talk to me about the meet and greet!
9 Responses to “Meet and Greet”
For what my comments may be worth, I would agree with the sentiments expressed in that article. I, personally, hate that moment and am glad it only happens rarely at Long Beach. But I make it a point to look around and try to find someone who seems to be ignored during the moment. The look of pain on their faces is obvious. They HATE this.
Rick Warren has said for years that the one thing guests (he says never call them visitors) desire more than any other is to maintain their annonymity until they decide to let their presence be known.
I think the whole meet and greet makes certain people feel like we’re being very friendly, but it’s disruptive and a waste of time. In my opinion. But if I came to your church (or anyone else’s church, for that matter) and they had a “meet and greet” moment, my tendency would be to ignore it. It’s just an awkward moment and most of the time, people tend to sit in groups with close friends, so they end up “meeting and greeting” people they know and love and seldom move far from their pews to meet anyone who might be a guest. It’s just not a good thing.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
First, I’m not much of a small-talk, cocktail mixer, meet and greet kind of guy. Not my scene. Makes me uncomfortable and usually leaves me feeling shallow and fake for some reason.
However, I’m going to stick up for the congregational meet and greet time for reasons not addressed here so far. The meet and greet has a benefit to worship that goes beyond whether most people like or do not like the actual moment or activity. It is sort of like a giant ice breaker. As a worship leader, I’m up front almost every week and usually the guy who decides if we do the meet and greet so there’s another part of my bias. From this perspective I have noticed an interesting phenomenon. The singing and praise time in worship is noticeably better 100% of the time after we do some kind of meet and greet near the beginning of service (which we only do sporadically).
I think it just forces people to wake up a bit and engage and once they’ve stood up, made some awkward conversation, been forced into 3 or 4 hugs they really didn’t want to give, smiled at a buddy, said hello to their kid’s Sunday school teacher and experienced the noise and commotion, people are energized. Maybe most people aren’t enjoying themselves and maybe it is strange for “guests,†(though I’ve got issues with some aspects of Warren’s model), but it wakes people up.
Then, when you start praising, people sing out more, they smile more, they look around a bit more and generally they just participate more actively. That, I would propose, is of benefit to everyone and maybe especially to the folks who don’t want to meet and greet. I’m sure there are other ways to get people’s blood moving, but I have yet to find a way that works more consistently than that one.
Just my 10 cents. My 2 cents are free.
But I also agree w/ stumptown! It does loosen us up for worship. Maybe if we could just figure out a way to do this without really doing this in a way that obviously embarrasses our guests???
Just call me ambivilent (sp?) on this subject at this point. But ask me another question. ‘Cmon, anything, and I’ll tell give you my FINAL answer on that next question!
I personally despise the meet and greet. I am fortunate enough to be up front, and don’t have to have the awkward “is anybody going to talk to me” moment, however, what I do see is just the same people talking together that we spent the last 5 minutes trying to settle down so we could continue worship…people love to talk and socialize, but I so agree with Rick Warren (not always, but in this case, yes…) visitors want to remain invisible until they decide they want to be seen. It puts the visitor in a horrible situation, and also the member who is already feeling a little like they aren’t on the “inside track”. We had a really amazing time of singing yesterday…I felt like God had led us through together into his presence…completely ready to hear what the preacher had to say…our ears were tuned and ready…he got up and had a “meet and greet” moment…uuugghh! It shattered the feeling of holiness, the sincere falling at the throne feeling. Many would disagree…obviously, because we are still forced to endure “meet and greet” moments.
I’m so for fellowship, talking, praying, chatting, laughing, eating together…but not like that. I don’t think it’s effective. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say at times, it’s distracting.
O.K. I feel better!
I dread the “meet and greet”. If your church is doing what your church should (few are and none are perfect), those guests were already met and made to feel welcome.
Josh’s points are well taken, as are your reservations about the article. But I yam what I yam and I’m not a fan of it.
I love the meet and greet! I know it can make people feel awkward, but the part I love is I always turn to my 20 year old son at that time, and hug him and say, ‘I’m glad you’re here.” And then he hugs me back and says,”Thanks, Mama!” That’s like gold. Even greeting your own family members can be meaningful.
After that, I DO try to find a newcomer, even it it means leaving my spot.
I think a meet and greet is only effective if you have a significant group of people who are GOOD at it. And they won’t be good at it unless they enjoy it, sooo…..
I know so many who feel exactly this way. I myself as a visitor
dread it, but as a member think it is important to reach out to
visitors. Its funny because I’ve heard visitors say they left with a feeling “that church was really friendly” or “no one even said hello to me”. That is why I think greeters are so important when visitors first enter the building.
Some places I’ve been visitors were just asked to raise their hand, so members could see who they were but it didn’t make the visitors quite as uncomfortable.
It depends. It can be one of those awkward moments like being told to turn to the person beside you and say “I’m glad you’re here,” or some such. There are seven in our family so that always seems a bit trite.
It hasn’t been too bad at Arlington because I tend to get out of the pew and roam around greeting people. That can be a good way to seek out visitors and introduce yourself. By the way, I think the “meet & greet” can be very awkward for visitors so it might be helpful to suggest that members find and meet visitors and put no pressure on the visitor. I also think you as the minister should make a point of being involved in the “meet & greet,” especially with visitors.
An alternative might be to make an announcement a few minutes before “church” starts encouraging folks to continue their fellowship but to begin preparing to find their seats. This keeps from inconveniencing those still in conversation. I know in Shreveport we always had folks that would talk and visit as long as they could. (I was one of them!)
James
Oddly, we’ve inherited a tradition of meet and greet from a recently departed minister who I won’t name but will say that he is the author of this blog. I read the same article a couple weeks ago. My initial reaction was one of intrigue. I made several copies, attached a sticky note that said, “What are your thoughts?”, and gave them to the worship team and to my wife. I intentionally didn’t make any comments one way or the other. The unanimous response was that they love the meet and greet. For now, the meet and greet stays with us.
Does my comment count as 5 votes in the positive since I actually polled 4 additional people?
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