I know (at least I think I know) why we give automatic answers to certain questions.
The question "How are you?" receives an automatic response of "Fine".
The question "How are things?" receives an automatic response of "Good".
The question "Do these jeans make me look fat?" receives an automatic slap because we didn’t answer fast enough.
Recently someone asked me the question "Are you happy?" and without hesitation I said "Yes."
It was an automatic response I gave without even thinking. Had I taken the time to think about it I could have probably come up with several reasons not to be happy.
I was glad for the automatic response. Part of being happy is dwelling upon good things and not dwelling upon the other stuff.
In relationships of confidence we must reach the point where we can move beyond the automatic responses and be completely honest with each other.
This is healthy and helpful. It not only helps us process it allows us the chance to share in the joys and sorrows of others.
In case you’re wondering the moment you recognize the question being formed, by the time the word jeans enters the sentence, you should be prepared to swiftly and decisively say NO and immediately quote something from Little Women or Pride and Prejudice.
It’s the most important automatic response.
7 Responses to “Automatic Response”
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October 19th, 2007 at 8:57 am
No (I mean Yes) or is it……..What do you want to hear………..Help……..
October 19th, 2007 at 9:34 am
On the jeans question, what about, “Well, no fatter than any other clothes you wear!”?
October 19th, 2007 at 9:44 am
Is that “Fat Bottom Girls” by Queen that I hear and how did the side of face get red?
October 19th, 2007 at 10:25 am
Too funny on the jeans question! You guys are a riot!
However, I myself would prefer an honest answer, even to that question, than for someone close to me to let me go out in public in something that makes me look fat. (There ARE certain types of clothes that can make one look not as fat as others do!) I’m still holding a grudge against Doris and some other family members for letting me go to work one Halloween dressed as a farmer (i.e., in a pair of overalls and a straw hat). The hat would’ve been ok, but those overalls! And I’ve got pictures to prove it. But then, someone else came with one of those things over his head, like a headband, with antennas sticking up!
I think we are programmed with the automatic responses because we come to believe no one wants to hear how we REALLY feel!
October 19th, 2007 at 3:52 pm
i’m with meowmix on believing “no one wants to hear how we really feel”… living in germany was interesting for many reasons, but one big thing is if you ask, they’ll answer, and possibly at some length; if you really don’t want to know, don’t be offensive by asking in the first place.
October 21st, 2007 at 2:07 pm
You’re right. Find out what they want to hear, and say it really fast with a lot of meaning.
And be sincere about it.
October 22nd, 2007 at 9:51 am
I don’t know my chick lit, so I usually quote a Julia Roberts movie.