15 Nov 07 I Have A Future As A Funeral Director
It’s true and I’ll tell you why.
We finished up the major piece of the remodel yesterday. The huge beams that we placed in the attic are attached to the posts that are cemented into the ground into the 2 x 2 x 2 block of cement. Relax, we didn’t do all that yesterday. Just catching you up.
Monday I attached all the rafters to the short wall we were taking out and removed the wall and yes was surprised (in that relieved sort of way) that nothing fell.
I also attached most of the rafters from the long wall but waited until yesterday to start dismantling the long wall. I had everything ready to go, double checked and inspected by a trusted carpentry expert, made a few final improvements and began to dismantle. One rafter was hanging free because I had to remove a header to get to it. No big deal, everything around it was secured so it was not an issue.
I got everything removed and went back up into the attic to attach the last rafter. I was standing on secure rafters and stepping over the mammoth beam and my right foot was headed directly for the loose rafter. Immediately the messages were relayed to my brain . . . abort, abort, loose rafter don’t step on it. In a slightly hunched position straddling the mammoth beam with my left foot on a the opposite side of the beam I attempted to change the trajectory of my right foot to avoid the loose beam. This slight shift of weight and redirection caused me to slip and a stepped right through the ceiling.
The good news is I refrained from letting a stream of obscenities fly.
The bad news is I was straddling the beam.
The better news is surely this act qualifies me to consider a future career with England Family Mortuary.
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So my kids are all taking this really important test, right? And while they’re working, I read the words, “straddling the beam.”
Yeah, that pretty much caused a commotion.
You don’t even need to send a resume. Just tell us when you want to start and what pay you expect. We NEED you, Randy! You would make me look like a pro.
I hate to laugh at your pain, but I laughed at your pain!
My high-pitched brother, I relay this to you with the highest amount of respect that I can muster for a Funeral Director in training:
As my West Cocoa neighbor has taught me to say (no, not “it is well with my soul”) - “When you’re dumb you’ve got to be tough.”
Those words have helped to “straddle” many similiar situations in my lifetime.
I think Cecil just called you dumb.
And Greg said you were clumsier than he.
Humm.
Will you leave the hole as a reminder? Or will it just be a high memory in your remodeling quest?
Be careful that you don’t end up as one of their customers.