Randy Wray’s Blog

It is the rare occasion that when greeted with the words “are we glad to see you” that the occasion is a good occasion.

Usually it’s the sign that something unpleasant or unsightly needs to be addressed.

So it was with guarded concern yesterday afternoon that I inquired as to why the daycare ladies were glad to see me.

I had just returned to the church / school grounds after calling a softball game.

It was around 5PM and a handful of daycare kids (usually running around on the field) were huddled together in the cafeteria.

An anxious day care worker stood like a sentry in the playground area while the other daycare workers explained why they were glad to see me.

I quickly realized, as is usually the case, that they were not necessarily glad to see ME - they were glad to see someone besides themselves (which further supports the greeting not usually being a good thing).

It seems in the routine of frolicking and prancing, crawling commando style around the edge of the playground - one of the youngsters looked up and found herself eye to eye with a snake.

In case you don’t know me I must tell you at this point that I, with Biblical authority and support, am not a fan of the snake.

Genesis 3:15 is absolutely fulfilled in my life (your descendants and her descendants will be enemies).

Yes, I know snakes are good and kind, loving and generous, and provide a whole myriad of social services.

We’ll take more about lawyers later.

My children, present for the event, are busting up because they know I hate snakes.

But desperate times call for desperate actions by desperate men and I accepted the challenge and went out to duel with the snake.

My objective was to identify the snake, capture the snake and release the snake in a more suitable location.

I knew that by doing so, somewhere down the road the snake would return the favor and rescue me from some eminent peril.

I determined that it was not a rattlesnake, a black mamba, and was fortunately abstaining from the lambada.

It was however quite grumpy and irritable. (Must have been a . . .)

Summoning the spirit of Steve Irwin, wishing I had stayed in a Holiday Inn last night, I proceeded to coax the little beauty into capture.

No pillowcase or other cloth bag was found so armed with a broom and a child’s Spiderman backpack I went to work.

The snake coiled and prepared to strike.

I had all the kids cleared from the area inside the cafeteria and gave orders to close the door.

I wasn’t concerned for their safety - I was concerned that if the snake bit me the little tykes might hear certain words used in a descriptive sense.

If the snake was a pet on the loose I figured it would let me handle it (how’s that for soon to be in the emergency room thinking?) so I gently used the stick to let it coil up so I could take the snake by the tail.

This worked and now I found myself holding on to the tail of the snake, which If I didn’t mention before was at least three feet long.

With the tail of the snake in my left hand, I looked at the Spiderman backpack and realized it was too small, that I would have to be quick and sure if I was going to get that snake in that pack.

I looked back at the snake in time to see the snake coiled in mid air - it had worked it’s way upward and was heading towards me rather swiftly with the intent to bite me.

Did I mention the snake was at least three feet long and grouchy?

I dropped the snake and performed the opening sequence of River Dance.

The snake was making no attempt to flee (I must have charmed him with my dance).

Not to be deterred I knew I had to try again.

Wiping the oil off my chest and putting my shirt back on I tried again with the same result and decided I needed a plan B.

When I went back to retrieve a large bucket I was informed that the snake had tried to crawl up the drain pipe and had fallen from half way up the building.

The mathematical equation is thus: Hurt + Cornered = grouchy, irritable snake.

I managed to locate the large rubber tub over the snake and went to find out the result of calling animal control.

Animal control informed us that it was probably a gopher snake and they had no one to send out so we would have to deal with snake on our own.

Because our playground is heavily used by many children and because the snake was injured (and showed no sign of slithering away), I saw no choice but to take appropriate action.

Even though I don’t like snakes I did regret having no other recourse.

Considering our church / school grounds border and orchard and a “river” it might be time to invest in some snake catching gear.

Anyone looking for a part-time snake catching job?